How I Rocked My Box Braids! (Styling)

Braided Swoop w/ bun

Messy Bun

Attempt at Tae Haekard's "Ninja Bun"

Curly

Neat Bun

Flat Twist w/ Bun

Flat Twist while down

Double Flat Twist

Edgy twisted "hump"

Let's Talk About It: Making LOVE Last!!!

What is one thing that we all wish to obtain? Unconditional Love!!! What is that exactly? How do you get it? Better yet, how do you GIVE it? and whom should you give it too? Across my timeline and newsfeed I often see those single, women and even men yearning for that unconditional love, but the truth is, are you really ready for what it take to obtain a long term love filled relationship?

My husband and I will soon (on 10/18/12) be celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary (YAYY!!!). Collectively we have been together for NINE years!!!! Having met at 17, we have had our UPs and downs, but we have remained together for NINE years straight...none of that off agian, on again stuff. So while I am still (relatively) young, I think I may know a thing or two in this area. Not to say that I am an expert nonetheless, I can only say what has worked for us.

I will try to do this without spilling too many "beans" but hey nobody is perfect and when I say we have been through it....we have been THROUGH it. This was my first "real" relationship so I can't really say but I would imagine that one like ours, getting together so immaturely and literally having to GROW up together, is one of the most challenging things to do.

Adolescence is one of the toughest stages of life, taking your own struggles, and merging them with another. In my experience I learned that being in a relationship and starting a family does not make you grown or "mature". It may make you THINK a bit more about certain things in life, but it does not make you exempt from those confusing conflicts such as in Erikson's Psychosocial Stage "Identity vs Role Confusion", trying to find yourself and be yourself while trying to "please/conform" to your significant other, which part is your geniune self? which part is bit of you molding to the other? and how can you tell the difference between the two? In that relationship it is so easy to try to "surpress" your true self for the sake of your relationship, being so endulged in one another, at that time...I think it is possible to "skip" that stage, but for only so long, eventually you will come back to it, no matter your age, you will want to identify with your true self, which may ignite a conflict in your relationship if you significant other does not understand this, luckily for me, mine did.

I say all of that to illustrate that relationships are HARD and I KNOW this. This is all my PERSONAL opinions, if it helps you, then I have done my job, but I am in no way expecting you to agree with EVERYTHING that I say.

There is no "perfect match" for you. If I made a list of my perfect guy....my husband would not have made the cut. For example; he is responsible, determined, god fearing, great father, clean cut...yadda yadda ya...everything BUT romantic!!! And I so happen to be a HOPELESS romantic. I watch all of the chick flicks and think that that is how my life is supposed to play out...profess your undying love for me in the rain, so I know it's real. Yea in my dreams with this guy. So say I leave him for a hopeless romantic huh....who does not pay the bills on time, who may be unreliable, or whatever the case. The point is no one is going to be PERFECT...think about what attributes are most important to you... the ones that you have to take in consideration when deciding if you can spend your life with this person, SHARE your life with this person.

Getting with someone, falling into lust, like or sometimes even LOVE is the easy part, but once you are there, how do you STAY there? That is the challenge? This is what has worked for us, and when I say works for us, that does not mean that we have been doing this and so this is what works, I mean this is what we have LEARNED to do, how to make it work, and it doesn't mean that we never fall short, and slip up. I look at it this way:

As much as I love God, I still slip up sometimes....how can I be perfect with/to another human being with no slip ups? It's impossible, and it's the same with him to me.

I think when you look at it that way, it puts things in perspective. Now I am no expert, so I can't say that you can take that mindset and make it work with just ANYONE...I still believe that it has to be YOUR one, the one that God made for you. How do you know if this one, is YOUR one? That I can not answer for certain, as I am sure it is different in everyone's case, but for me, when I look back on my life, it all seems to have revolved around meeting HIM, like I met him at just the right time in my life...and the fact that I love him at his worst it just makes sense, all that other "stuff" like "communtication, trust, and so on" you can work on, love is the one aspect in a relationship where if it's there then it's there and if it isn't well then it isn't and it won't be. You can't make yourself love anyone, whom you just don't love...and vice versa.

So my rule is: If you LOVE (truly LOVE) him/her, then you can make it work.

How do you know if you LOVE someone? Some may ask. My answer to that while personal, to me, may bring light to the situation....I could say "When you want for them, more than you want for yourself, everything that you want for yourself and more"...while that is real love, it is a bit cliche and can be mistaken. So will tell you this:

One morning my husband came in hung over and sick, while out getting him some medicine I found out some VERY disturbing news (while I want to tell you to just use your imagination, I know most will assume the absolute worst, and well I live in a small town so let me just clear this up, no he did not have sex with anyone else............at least he SAYS that he didn't -_-) anywho I found out that he'd lied to me about where he had been....or perhaps with whom he was with, furious I stood there in the medicine aisle, wanting to drop everything, leave his ass throwing up until he was left hollow...I did even put the medicine down....but my heart would not let me. He was pitiful...and the biggest baby when sick. While I was still furious, I could not let the boy suffer...smh, so I bought the medicine, gave it to him, all the while cursing him the hell out!!! HELLO!! LOL but it was at that moment that I realized that I just loved him, in my core, and as long as I felt like that love was being reciprocated, then I would work it out till the end of the world with him.

The same goes for him, I realized his love for me was real, when I was at my worst, deserved him the least, and yet he still stood by my side, even if it hurt him to do so...together we stood and we still stand.

I have watched couples get married and divorce and I just wonder what it the difference between them and us? Why not us? I don't have an answer to that, and as the elder would say "Just keep on living". I am not saying that we will NEVER divorce, though I pray that we don't. I am aware that some 20, 30+ year marriages sometimes just end...I don't know all the answers but I like to blame communication on that one. Someone have spent more than half of their lives silently unhappy and finally decides to bust a move...no way will a I believe that anyone in a 20 year marriage suddenly decides to leave at year 22 bc they have been unhappy for the past 2 years :-/ Not happening.

In a nutshell, what do I think is the key to making love last?

~Accepting your partner for who they are.

~Communication, on both ends, if you are going through somethings emotionally, don't be afraid to talk to your partner about it, be open. Their role in that should be LISTENING, and being supportive, because whatever it is that you are feeling, it's YOU, yours to feel and you can not help that, should not be ashamed of it, or feel the need to hide it.
~Listen. Listen to THEIR needs, THEIR wants. Whatever they are trying to convey to you, truly listen and process the message. Once I would shower him with gifts, surprise parties, date nights, whatever, keep in mind that I am a hopeless romantic. I was loving him the way I wanted to, the only way I knew how to love, nevermind the fact that over and again he was expressing his true need from me and I would shun it off as if it were a joke, feeling as though, I loved him perfectly enough. If your partner is telling you something, they are telling you for a reason, listen carefully.

~Compromise. While sharing one life, you are still two people, with seperate thoughts and desires. Learn to meet in the middle, win some, lose some, give some and take some. Don't do with anger or attitude, your partner is "part" of you, so while YOU, yourself, may not be getting what you want, you're still getting what YOU (as a whole) want, if you can fathom that. LOL.

~Lastly...Don't fight one another, fight FOR one another. I think that is self explanatory.

Hope I wasn't to "long winded" and ran ya off. Hope you enjoyed this piece, and as always...Thanks for reading =-)

How I Style and Care for My Box Braids!!!

In all honesty, this may not be a fair title because while this is HOW I have styled my box braids...I have had them for only 3 days. Worn them in these 3 styles and will continue to play with different styling techniques.

Let me discuss my installation process. Some of you who have been following me, may know that I have been wanting some box braids for the LONGEST, and after a traumatic experience at the African braiding shop, I quickly said "Fahget about it"...well now that they (box braids) have become more popular again, more "kitchen beauticians" are welcoming to do them again...while before they would flare their nostrils at the thought of how long they took.

Well a friend of a friend did mine. Though my last relaxer was in July, I am extememly underprocessed/ texlaxed. So I have quite a bit of new growth. A few days before the appointment I cowashed my hair and blew it out, so that it wouldn't be to tangled. The night before I GHE'd for moisture. The morning of was hectic so I wasn't really able to comb through one more time before the appointment. Anyway to make a long story short, she was soooo gentle with my head and even more considerate and careful with my hair! I am always so nervous about other's in my hair when I am in need of a "perm" because my kinks get so tangled and coily. I have no complaints on the installation process. As far as the braids themselves go, I am happy. I would have liked them maybe 2 inches longer, they are close to MBL now. Would have prefered them to be a bit thicker as well. They were braided snug but not to tight, again no complaints.

I plan to keep them up until Dec. 30, (unless they still look good) give my hair a good shampoo (ORS Creamy Aloe) Good DC with heat, and then get them re-braided again. Unless it will be to much stress on my hair to get it re-braided the same day, then my perhaps, I can wig it for a week, then get it re-braided.

I am at a cross road again not knowing whether I want to transition or continue to relax. So my plan is to stretch for one year before I make a decision. My last relaxer was July 21, 2012. I want to PS (protective style) up until then, do a big reveal, perhaps a length check by way of professional flat ironing if my relaxed hair is still "up to par", then make a decision as to whether I want to relax it or continue on with a long term transition.

My Box Braid Regimen??
I will cowash my braids every two weeks.
Spray with Braid Conditioning spray as often as needed
Oil scalp with Castor oil 3x a week.
Exercise at least 3x a week
Drink at least 50 oz of water
Take Biotin.

I am just so glad not to have to deal with the delicacy thay my hair requires, that I don't know how to act. I was in the castor oil challenge, then due to bunning I fell off on applying my castor oil. Now that I have my braids, I won't be able to do a length check or results pic, so I will just wait until December. I hope to be APL by then :-)

What is your Fall/Winter plans for your hair???

What Has Helped Me on My Relaxed Hair Care Journey

What would I contribute to my success so far in this hair journey???

 Why that is easy!!! I would have to say MOISTURE and TLC!!!! I could easily say PROTECTIVE STYLES, but that alone would be a lie. I began wearing half wigs in 2008, and sadly my hair remained dry, brittle, and untouched.
My hair has never been any longer than "scrapping" SL, until now, being FULL SL, and 1.5 inches away from APL!!!!


How do I maintain moisture?

I deep condition weekly.
I don't really pay attention to the whole "moisture conditioner this week, protein the next". I kinda sorta play it by ear and how my hair feels. Sometime I just "throw in" protein just because I feel like I hadn't used any in a while.

Keep in mind, that method is unique to my hair, and I have a "no fuss" regimen. Meaning that I do not make a big fuss about my hair. That is probably the 2nd biggest contribution to my progress.

Some hair may require more protein, while other may be protein sensitive, and require very little to no, protein. My hair seems to just go with the flow.

Another way I maintain moisture is I GHE twice a week, and seal with EVOO.

Other Contributors?

Stretching relaxers has definitely allowed my hair to remain thicker and stronger.

Ditching the "fine tooth" combs. Need I explain how these little monsters can and will rip and strip OUR hair?

Styling my own hair, simply because I am the most careful with my hair! No one will be more careful with "her" than I will, or implement the "safest" and most beneficial methods.

Learning HOW TO relax my own hair...and that doesn't mean getting it bone straight. How To: refers to prepping my hair and scalp, how to apply it CORRECTLY, how long to REALLY  leave it on,and other safety measures.

Another huge contributor has been knowing how far to go with my hair. When surfing through hair blogs, forums, and groups you will come across alot of "recommendations", advice, and tips. Not falling for the hype and not being a HUGE product junkie has kept me from having alot of set backs.

Don't get me wrong, I have dabbled a bit in curiosity, sometimes things worked, some didn't. Those times that didn't taught me that I didn't want to "stray" away from what I KNOW works, to often.

Unlisted Contributions but DEFINITELY recommended.

These are unlisted because while they are definitely changes that I implemented, I can't REALLY say that they are MAIN reasons for my progress for certain.

Ditching Shampoos.
I can't say that use of shampoos will hinder your journey because I have not had any bad experiences with any. Beginning my HHJ, I said I would shampoo once a month, and cowash weekly. That never changed, so I don't want to contribute it  to my progress, because who is to say that shampooing more, wouldn't have yielded the same results, if not better.

Protective Styles.
While I know they work, and it has been a contributor. I wouldn't feel right listing it as one, being that I did protective style for 3 years straight (never wore my real hair out) and still remained no longer than SL and certainly was not healthy.

In one year I went from NL to SL....and I am excitedly racing towards APL!!! I have to thank all of my fellow hair bloggers whom, I've learned so much from. I can only hope that one day I can be as beneficial to someone as you all have been to me :-)

Wig Review: Equal Lace Front "Deep Invisible Part" :Nelly

I purchased this wig today from my local BSS. It is a 'pre cut' lace front which I LOVE because, I know nothing about cutting the lace off...which is one of the reasons that I have always steered clear from lace fronts. Another reason is because I did not want to be the one that ends up with that dreaded "Barbie" looking hair line, you guys know the look that I am talking about. Well when I came across "Nelly" it was completel upon chance, I was simply browsing, she looked simple and cute, I tried her on, and she looked so natural that, I just stared into the mirror right then, lost in the moment just bouncing her around, and hair flipping like I owned the piece!! I then tried on a few other "Equal" pieces, one with big loose sexy curls!! I really liked that one too, but I was wanting something simple with an "everyday" appeal. So I went back to Nelly! She cost $49.99 (Though I saw on Blackhairspray.com they had her for $39.99), which isn't too bad. I just hope that she does not tangle or become frizzy too soon. So far I have not ran into any tangles, but then again it is only day one. I will do an update review in about a week or two as well. She is made of futura fiber, which means that she is curling iron safe for up to 400 degrees. I purchased her in the color 99J, which is a burgundy/wine color.

I have had tons of compliments, and some could not even tell that it was a wig, and said that the hair looked so natural, like real hair. Well her she and I are....
What do YOU think???

I guess that she is about 14" long, layered.

Let's Talk About It: Appreciation

Hi guys!!! Alot of times when I am feeling "motivational" it is most likely when I have had to motivate myself, and just feel like my "Ah ha" moment could benefit someone as well, that is when I decide to share. I say that, to explain why some of my posts my contain, personal experiences and feelings of my own. Now I am sure that you may not always agree, or perhaps somethings may not pertain to you, but I hope that you are able to take what you need from my posts, apply them to your life where needed. With that being said, let's get started.


One of my many lessons of 2012 has been appreciation, how to appreciate what you DO have, even if it is not necessarily what you WANT, things could always be so much worse. Some of you may know that I am an LPN...I have been an LPN for going on 4 years...I graduated in 2007 at 21, my goal was to go back and get my RN before I turned 25. Just to be able to say that I was an RN at 25...I felt like that would be an accomplishment. Well, this October I will be turning 26...and needless to say I am still an LPN.

Alot of my classmates that I graduated with have gone back and obtained their RN license, and one girl whom I became really close with she went RIGHT back as soon as we graduated, so she was an RN at 22 years old. I admit I was a bit envious, and I felt pressured, but still here I am an LPN.

It is not as if I am "wanting" for anything, I live comfortably. The sole purpose of my pursuit to my RN license was just for "show", so others could be proud of me. Never stopping to think "Who says that they are NOT already proud of me?"....perhaps it was just me, not proud of myself, not giving myself credit.

It wasn't until today, in class, as my instructor went throughout the class asking everyone what they did...the class was full of nurse aids, patient care techs, a few truck drivers, some were unemployed...then he got to me and my responce "An LPN"...got many oohs and aahs and questions.

I thought to myself...while I have been so busy peeping in others lives, imagining how "good" they are, I have been neglecting to see my own light, my own life. I ignore all of the good that I have going on and only pay attention to the negative.

I realized; while I am dreaming about having her life, someone else is dreaming to have mine. That makes you think a bit. Not that I am saying to settle...and say well good is good enough, always shoot for the best, but be sure to celebrate the good that you have going on already. 

Energy is such a funny thing in the way that it will consume you. No matter HOW good you have it, no matter how easy you may have it, opposed to those who REALLY struggle, if YOU do not embrace the positive in your life, then you will never feel it, you will never emulate it.

You may know someone right now whom you think has it pretty good and may wonder, "What is she mad about?" "Why is she complaining?" and the answer is simply, because she does not recognize the positive, she ignore the positive things in her life, only feeding the negative and so that is what grows, it amplifies. The positive has been pushed down, repressed, taken for granted and no longer even recognizable...Why do we do this to ourselves? Have so much going for us, and ignore that, for what ISN'T going for us.

I have made it a personal quest to ignore the negative. I have started a prayer journal and when writing, I don't even mention the things that are going wrong, I talk about all the things that are going right, and I thank God for them. If something is going wrong, instead of giving it power, I thank God for the strength in getting through it, so that compared to me, that stepping stone is powerless.

If this is you. If you find yourself wanting something sooo bad, and find yourself beating yourself up over it, whether it be love, marriage, kids, career, finances, property...whatever it is I want you to stop. Right down your ultimate goals, in what you want, so that  you can never forget. After it's written down, leave it on that paper. You may set small goals that will lead up to accomplishing your overall quest...go back and look at it as a reminder of what you need to do...and TRY. That's all you can do. Don't beat yourself up over set backs, after it is written down, just leave it there and then focus on everything that is right in your life.

Do you have a roof over your head?
Yes? Be thankful.
Don't add in "Yeaaa BUT I stay with my momma....Nope! The question was Did you have a roof over your head? The answer is simply YES, not everyone is even that fortunate, to have a mother to stay with, to have a mother that care.

Mini Challenge: Tomorrow, take a break from the "have nots" and celebrate your haves :-)  Write down 1 thing  that you are thankful for having despite the things that you have yet to obtain. Whatever you write down, then find some way to celebrate it.

Ex. "I am thankful for my family" As a celebration we will all eat dinner at the table (opposed to in our rooms)

or

"I am thankful just for today, making it another day" As a celebration I will go on a nature walk and enjoy the moment (or do whatever it is that YOU as individual like to do, but may not always have time to do. Tomorrow...MAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF....APPRECIATE YOURSELF for a change:-)

Hope you all enjoyed this post, as this the first of many to come. Feel free to submit suggetstions or topics. I am a sponge soaking it all in. Thanks loves!! ~Deuce~

Non Hair Related: Let's Talk About It!

So I have decided to add another component to my blog. I hope you all don't mind. I attempted before to start a seperate "growth and motivational" blog, but ehhh, running two blogs, one with 0 followers lol, I was not very motivated to keep up the writing.

So school has started back up right, and I am taking a Creative Writing class. I LOOOOVE writing, and I am sooo looking forward to this class. Being apart of the class, surrounded by others who like to write, such as myself, showed me that I don't really write enough. Sure I have a journal, but truth be told, sometimes I just like to feel like I am being heard. So anyway, following "Beautiful Brown Baby Doll" on facebook, I realized that she is not only an advocate for "hair", but she promotes all things that are important to her.

Then it me!! My motivation and growth blog does not have to be separate from Perfect Tresses :-) So here I am. I would be lying if I said that I wasn't a bit nervous, I hope it all works out as well as I imagine it in my head. Please feel free to leave comments, opinions, and tips on such posts...They will all be tagged "Non Hair Related: Let's Talk About It" :-)